~ I LoVe YoU, I nEEd YoU ~

it's not easy to be me. when I'm around you.
I don't know how to make jokes with you as sister always do.
I don't know what to talk with you, compared to mama.
I want to tell you everything that happened in my life.
or maybe because I'm the eldest, you make me be independence.

but at time like this,

I really want to be by your side, I want to give you strength.
PAPA, do hold on. please get well soon.
I long to see your smile again.

~ LiFe's ExPeCtaTioN ~

am currently listening to Coldplay & Lifehouse songs. their songs always calm me. it feels soothing. like you're surrounded by the beauty of nature with the combination of the careness of the breeze touching you.

I am not in a good condition right now. it's not a bad condition but it's just not a good one. how I miss to talk to someone. to have a meaningful conversation. the feeling seems to be forgotten by me. how I long to spend precious moment with my friends. it's been months that we do not have a good hang out altogether. how I wish to be around my family at this moment. to voice out everything. and how I crave for your attention. as the moment will end soon.

I do not expect anything unexpected. I just want to maintain a good relationship with everyone and have a good life. that's all I wish.

  

~ cHenTa & KaSeH ~

hai....nama saya Chenta ~

Kaseh tak ada. Kaseh pergi jauh. puas Chenta kejar Kaseh. tapi Kaseh taknak balik semula. kenapa Kaseh jadi begitu? kenapa Kaseh degil? tapi tapi Chenta tetap tak sanggup kehilangan Kaseh. Chenta tekad. Chenta nak jerit kuat-kuat.

"Kaseh!!!!!!! awak kat mana? mana awak pergi?!

"Chenta...Kaseh kat sebelah ni kan...tak pergi mane-mane pun. kenapa dengan Chenta nie? , soal Kaseh.

Chenta lihat sebelah.
betullah tu Kaseh.
confirm bukan orang lain.

tapi kenapa Chenta tak rasa apa-apa?

~ PAPA.... I'll aLwaYs HeaRt YoU ~

sewaktu kaki terseliuh


sebab nakal sangat maen-maen kat semak. papa mengatakan dengan tegas: " yang pergi maen kat semak tu sape suruh. ada kawasan lapang nak jugak pergi kat situ" (hati terluka)

tiap-tiap pagi bangun tidur, saya pasti akan panggil mama nak minta tolong turun tangga. tiap-tiap kali pasti papa yang akan datang menggendong saya turun tangga. diri tidak pernah dibiarkan turun sendiri. (hati terubat)

sewaktu sakit


papa pasti akan sedikit membentak: "sudah diberitahu bekali-kali jangan minum air sejuk, jaga makan!"
( diri tahu papa sangat bimbang di saat itu )

sewaktu melanjut pelajaran di universiti


papa hanya kakukan diri sewaktu diri memeluknya. sambil memberi nasihat, menyuruh jaga diri & belajar bersungguh-sungguh.
( diri tahu papa ingin memberi kekuatan di saat itu )

sewaktu berjumpa dengan teman lelaki


papa pasti akan berlagak 'cool' tapi mengekalkan status seorang ayah yang tegas.
( diri tahu ada sekelumit cemburu di hati papa )

sewaktu keluar dengan lelaki

hati papa akan mengeras dan memarahi diri. "papa tak suka lelaki-lelaki itu"
( diri tahu papa sangat risau akan keselamatan diri di saat itu)

dear papa,

walaupun diri akan meninggalkan papa suatu hari nanti & mungkin jarak akan menjadi satu masalah. YOU will be the only man that I truly, deeply & madly in love with. I'll never leave you alone and please don't be sad.

LoVe,
your troublesome daughter.

~ DeeP in My HeArT ~

dia happy go lucky...

dia poyo...

dia baik hati...

dia cerewet...

dia penyabar...

dia pembuli...

dia lembut...

dia kuat berlagak...

dia ego tinggi...

DIA SAYANG SAYA =)

Dear S,

 I know you're not a romantic person, neither do I. for all this years, ape persamaan kita yerk?hehe. despite all the differences that we have, we have complement and complete each other. 

semoga kita terus bertahan dan berhempas-pulas untuk menempuh tahun-tahun yang mendatang. insyaAllah...

thanks for everything... ILYSM ;)

p/s: bila nak kawen?hahahahaaa

kutub timur + kutub selatan

~ HanYa DoA dApAt DiKiRiM ~

sudah dua hari umat Islam berpuasa...
juga sudah tiga hari papa kesayangan saya berada di wad...
he's got high fever...

apabila dapat tahu, diri rasa ingin terus balik
tapi papa cakap komitmen untuk belajar perlu diutamakan
kerana dia tidak berada pada tahap yang membimbangkan...

diri terus bertahan
terus teringat saat-saat bersahur, berpuasa & berbuka bersama family
sumpah rindu!

papa....
hold on k...
and my prayer will always be with you...ALWAYS....
do get well soon....amin.

and I know I need to be stronger than I am before. dun worry. I will.

~ Journey For HAPPYness ~

I love lists. I always write assignment lists, shopping lists, movies-to-watch lists, books-to-read lists, wish lists, and most famously, the ever present, things-to-do lists.

today, while writing my to-do list, I realized that sometimes I will make some note at the bottom. either "good luck" , "fighting!" or "find happiness". but then I realized that sometimes I write "make happiness". I began to ponder the actions of my subconscious. I know this sounds like something lacking much substance. but I wondered why the difference? I went searching through my purse and drawer - found some older lists. sometimes I wrote "hold on!", sometimes "smile more often =)". of course there is mix up between "find and make happiness". but then something surprised me. sometimes, ever so simply, I've penned "LOVE yourself"


these little notes written to me don't contain words of wisdom, they aren't written eloquently and they aren't written with any talent. but I do think that they hold meaning and truth. it's funny what our head does when it's reacting to the heart. maybe one of these days I'll stop shoving the lists into my bag and start listening to what my heart is trying to have me to see.



   

~ sHe WeArS tHe BIGGEST sMiLe ~

she wants to tell all her secrets and be true...
or maybe she should probably start with how much she cares for him

but then he sends her two roses, each with a note
the first note says for the woman I love
and the second for my best friend.

then she knows...
among all the truth...
deeply in her heart. she loves him.

~ ReGrEt & bE gRaTeFuL ~

life is simple, it's just not easy.

so do relationship. love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. to wake at dawn with a winged heart and grateful for another day of living.

a boy is a magical creature, you can lock him out of your door, but you can't lock him out of your heart. you can get him out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind.

so whomever your partner is. either he is a mess or a nerd. either he is a talented artist or a skillful engineer. or a high imaginary person maybe. even a drug addicts or criminals...do give him a another chance coz everybody deserves a second chance rite...just hoping that he will be a better person and do give full support. wouldn't that be a good feeling =). saya pun harap yang baik- baik saja untuk semua....

~ i WaNt y0uR LoVe, i d0N't wAnT y0uR rEvEnGe ~

I am majoring in English Literature & Linguistics. I explore lots of poems and plays. but I hate "Romeo & Juliet".

most of people adore their so-called love story. I hate how everyone compares love to Romeo & Juliet. did anyone ever read that play? memahami sedalam-dalamnya? the two met only for a few minutes. accidentally. started getting on a balcony a few hours later. they got married, did the big deed and they died. is that called LOVE? I bet Juliet didn't even know Romeo's favourite food, much less his birthday. it was only lust but it truly is tragic.

i don't want a relationship like that.

he is the only exception. but, to be honest. I don't know his favourite food or movie. I don't know who his best friend is, or how long it takes him to get ready. I just get to know that he loves spicy things dan juga bola sepak. I don't know every single detail about every single aspect of him. but I do know that he is the unique guy i've come across ;). and most importantly, I know one which is everything about him, one that is more important than looks.heee....

~ EvErYtHiNg LeAvEs a MaRk ~

" Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep." - Carl Sandburg

semalam saya diuji, pastinya hari ini dan hari seterusnya saya akan diuji. kerana hidup adalah satu ujian.

in my life, i've been told the things i cannot do. all my life they will say i'm not good enough or strong enough or talented enough. they will say i'm in the wrong height or wrong weight or the wrong type to be this to achieve this. they will tell me no, a thousand times of "NO's", until all the "NO's" become meaningless. all my life they will tell me no, quite firmly and very quickly. and now it's the time to tell them yes.

i want to expect nothing. i just want to live frugally in surprise. as there are only two ways to live your life. one is as though nothing is a miracle. the other is everything is a miracle.

today, i'm gonna start to try a little harder, gonna make every minute last longer, gonna learn to live and forget, because i don't have long, gonna make the most of it. today i'm gonna love my enemies, reach out to somebody who needs me, make a change, make the world a better place because tomorrow could be one day too late.

every person leaves a mark. i just hope that i leave a good one.

~ LoVe uR FaMiLy ~

*love u all so much*

ramai orang cakap duit itu penting...betul ke????

I know about a true story...suatu petang, tiga beradik pergi ke satu pesta jualan bersama ayah mereka. tetapi sebelum itu, ayah mereka pergi ke bank untuk mengeluarkan duit dan meninggalkan tiga beradik tersebut untuk meng 'explore' barangan dulu. sekembalinya ayah mereka ke pesta tersebut, beliau bercadang untuk kembali ke pesta tersebut pada malam hari... mereka sekeluarga pulang tanpa membeli ape-ape barang. at night, baru the siblings know that their father tidak dapat mengeluarkan duit pada petang tadi...tanpa sebab yang munasabah.

this story touched me because their father put his children's needs as the priority even though he knew he did not have enough money. and he can not afford to buy his own things with full satisfaction.

as for me, i absolutely agree that money is important. duit amat penting untuk hidup di zaman ini. however, i know that money can't buy happiness as it is so precious. at such time, baru nak sedar kesilapan2 yang dah terlanjur sebelum ini.huhu.so to my family, i love all of you so much with all my heart...above all things.no matter what happen.

p/s: moral of the story..kena lebih berjimat coz malang tidak berbau.we never know what might come people =)

~ GrAcEfuLnEss oF aN eLePhAnT ~

people loves to make promises...I hate them...because the promises never have been fulfilled...

even I try not to trust. I tend to put too much hope on the promises...fool me.

in a relationship, i discover something. LOVE & HATE.
there's a fine line between love and hate. love frees a soul and in the same breath can sometimes suffocate it. I walked that tight rope with all the gracefulness of an elephant, my head weighing me to the side of hate, my heart hoisting me to the side of love.

it was a wobbly journey and sometimes I fell. sometimes I fell for long periods of time but never for too long. never for as long as this.

I'm not asking to be liked. I've never yearned to be liked, nor am I asking to be understood fully. when I behaved that way, when I left by your side, let go of your hand, hung up the phone, even I had difficulty liking me, understanding me.

but it's just how I was.
how I was.

~ HeLL0 R0mAnTiC0 ~

11 Januari 2010 ( Isnin) - 11.45pm

waktu berpisah:-

gf: shafiq...thanks sangat2 ari nie...bye. (dengan nada gembira)

bf: wokeh. happy birthday. (tersenyum). eh...orang terjumpa kad tadi. ada tulis nama ila. (sambil hulur kad)

gf: ........................ (terkejut, terharu, senyum sorang2)

tiba- tiba dia bertindak romantik. impress. excited =))

even it's only a birthday card. means a lot to me. coz kad tersebut ditulis oleh orang tersayang. dengan rasa kasih sayang untuk orang tersayang.hehe. I really appreciate it dear busyuk2... boleh pulak buat innocence ea.hehe.x0x0 =D.

* tamat di sini ayat2 jiwang...heee.... * * bermula ayat2 serius =p *

apa ada pada 22 tahun???
usia sudah meningkat, tapi perangai masih macam budak- budak. as my age increases, i think the more childish i've become.apa boleh buat?hehe.

sekarang saya sudah mula untuk think about future seriously. about my education, my relationship, my LIFE. only one thing that always disturb me- my self confidence! saya selalu terfikir, boleh ke saya teruskan? boleh ke saya capai impian?

but now, i know i have to make a good decision. i've always thought that things aren't going to be fair in the real world. even if karma happenned. it's just the way it is. sometimes fate just can't stop meddling. there are some people that can achieve bright future without doing much but some, like me have to fight well in achieving good life.

this year, i just hold on to this principle, "do not afraid of life, follow your instinct, and be yourself!" and that really give me a boost of strength. I didn't see it coming, but I can definitely feel it. I long for the strength.

p/s: also need prayer from all =))

~ H0pE d SkY iS aLwAyS bLuE ~

twinkle twinkle little stars

I always prefer to look at the sky when I have bad feelings about my life.The sky is so wide, the moon and the stars just make me feel better.How great the creations of God.

Life without problems is not cool right?So I guess I have to bear with all the troubles that are competing to rush into my life.Yet, the most troublesome dilemma is when it is related with your feelings.How could I ignore others' feelings?Can I be that selfish?Just thinking of it makes me feel guilty.

My father used to tell me that memory is a good thing to be remembered, either it was the good one or the bad one.But papa, your daughter is not strong enough to bear with all of the memories in her life.I try hard to delete all the bad memories in my mind.I wish I have a quite large and enough space of dustbin to dispose all the memories.How fool I am to think something like that.But I know I actually have to learn from the bad memories.For better future.So that I will never repeat the same mistakes again.Thanks for your advice papa.Your daughter understands the situation now =)

To my Soulmate, sorry for giving you a lot of troubles. I know I have to understand you better. I need to be more mature person.How childish I am right?And I have to struggle hard to maintain this feeling towards you.Saya masih bertahan dear.

Sekarang, listening to Love You Yes-Couple::while looking at the sky::finish this entry.Now I feel relieve and great.

Hope the night sky will always been occupied by the moon and the stars ;D

~ cHeNta YaNg SeMpUrNa ~

life is unpredictable...
we dun even can get an idea wat might happen tomorrow...
i get a shocked news today...
one of my frens' mother has passed away today...
dun ever get to contact him for a quite long time...
dunnoe why he kept a sudden distance...but now i guess i noe d answer...
salam takziah my fren...be strong k...i noe it's hard..but u must noe dat there's olwez family n fren dat u can keep holding on k...we'll give our full support...insyaAllah...

i noe everybody will face the death someday...
i juz can't imagine how am i suppose to face it...i noe it's inappropriate to talk about dis matter...
but it's juz kept coming in my mind today...
n now i noe i have to appreciate every single moment in my life..
there is not much time for me to quarrel over small thing...
there is not much time for me to spend quality moment with my loved ones...
there is not much time for me to waste by hating people...
bcoz we'll never noe wat might come afterwards...

but i do hope there's still TOMORROW...
for me to tell my family how much i love them...
for me to tell my busyuk how i appreciate for ur concern...
for me to tell my dearly frens thank u for olwez by my side...
for me to keep striving for d best in my education...
AND for me to still keep being grateful to HIM for giving me such a wonderful life
now i noe i shouldn't being regret and should still moving on for better days.

p/s: suddenly miss my homie,busyuk2 n frens so much :((

~ iT's n0t tHe SiZe 0f a mAn bUt tHe SiZe 0f HiS hEaRt dAt mAttErS ~

You can take my heart for a walk on the beach
You can take my heart for a little trip
You can take my heart very close to your heart
You can take my heart forever if you like

But not every heart belongs to any other
You and I
You and I are meant to be
I'm the one for you, You're the one for me
You love me as much as I do
When you look at me and we're skin to skin
I want you so
Please come in
And you love me more and more
And my love grows up with you
And you kiss me more and more
And I kiss you, too
And I kiss you, too

If I take your heart, I will cherish it every day
If I take your heart, I will heal these old wounds
If I take your heart, it's to make it happy
If I take your heart, it's forever close to mine

But not every heart belongs to any other
You and I
You and I are meant to be
I'm the one for you, You're the one for me
You love me as much as I do
When you look at me and we're skin to skin
I want you so
Please come in
And you love me more and more
And my love grows up with you
And you kiss me more and more
And I kiss you, too
And I kiss you, too


I don't care, I don't care
If I'm again carried away
If you swear, if you swear
To give me your heart in return

I don't care, I don't care
If I'm again carried away
If you swear, if you swear
To give me your heart in return
To give me your heart in return

*currently listening to dis song*

~ wHy d Qu0tE " I LOVE YOU" iS a MiRacLe? ~

u're my besfren forever...
u're my greatest partner in crime...
u're my excellent critics...
u're my super duper lover...

LOVE
brings great significance in life...

I'll say dat d opposite characters
bring love to us

how it goes????

he is an onion-lover, i'll hate them till death
he is so gentle n soft-spoken, i act n talk as rough as possible
he knows how to be trendy dat any clothes seems to suit in him, while i juz know how to wear loose jeans n t-shirt w/out considering d colours matched
WE ARE CHELSEA FAN...but...
he is d real die hard fan dat he seems to ignore everything while watching d match, i only an ordinary 'kipas' dat only crazy at d team players ;D

he's from mars,i'm from venus
yet still we fill each other empty space

to love u n to be loved by u are precious
i want to live with u 4eva...
to spend d great moments together...
to share d laughter n pain wif u...
to grow old with u...
to hold ur wrinkle hands ;p
to feel protected when i'm wif u...
n to make u olwez smile when u're wif me...

i love u so much n will olwez do...

HEPI ANNIVERSARY DEAR BUSYUK2...

~ aCCiDeNtaLLy aCCiDeNt...aiYoH... ~

ma busyuk2...accident...dgn kete wira...ish3...bwk laju sgt r 2...kete 2 r...bkn moto incik shafiq...*dia yg ckap yerk...bkn sy.hehe*.surely i'm really shocked after knowing d news...cian kt busyuk2...nk bergerak pun saket...tp mood dia pun brubah yerk... tetibe jd ganas ckit.hak3...br kna ksan jln raya 2...xkna kesan laen lg...hehe.sbr jea r...


how i wish i can take care of u...cuci luka 2...saket sm2...know how 2 comfort u...

*nie kesan ekzos yerk...elok jea ekzos 2 jtuh blakang busyuk2 n tnggalkan kesan abadi **nie plk kesan bergeser dgn jln raya...yg watkn busyuk2 jd ganas ckit ;p*
*dis is d recent photo...da elok ckit...so da krg ganas ckit r...haha *

so...to my busyuk2....,i noe i vever tell u about ma feelings...never noe how 2 b romantic.as u olwez b...so nie r luahan hati cetusan rasa org yg nk tau sgt 2...hehe *btol ke ayt 2 *

i wish i can share ur pain...
so u never have difficulties in ur action...
i wish i can understand u better...
so there'll no misunderstanding anymore...
dat will make u geram wif me...hehe
i dun noe whether we are meant together or not...
but wat i surely can assure u...
no matter wat happens...
i'll olwez support u...olwez...n olwez...
and if we're fated to be together...
i'll promise dat i'll accompany u till d end...
dat's a promise... =)
n do olwez remember
* i LoVe u*

*so ada hikmah jgk r busyuk2 saket yerk...hehe*

~ marriage...here i come...whee... ~

~ d bride n groom ~

hee….jgn tkezut plk bc tajuk blog nie.huhu…ari 2 tgh xde watpe cuti2 nie so ada r bukak sum1 punye blog….dia da nk kawen….getting married…wah…besh3 (gedix plk ;p)…so dia story r sume preparation yg dia wat….even simple jea mjles 2….pun da telan bajet rm10,ooo…ape kes….ish3….me pun xde dwet sbanyak 2…2 br jea majles...x cmpur preparation laen lg...huhu...ada r dlm rm 40,ooo ko.thaish...xbley kawen lg r nmpknye…hak2…gtal nk kawen plk….blaja pun tunggang langgang lg…asas umah tangga lg r ntah kemana.ngeh3….

bkn ape….juz xcited ble bc blog dia….cm lbey xcited dr org nk kawen plk.haha. dia prepare sume by herself….sume dia manage sndiri…mmg r ada org tlg dia…. tp kre cm sume dia plan sndiri r….xde nk mitak ntah ape2 punye wedding planner tlg pun…so kre me pun nk plan sndiri jea r jgk nnti (aiseh….maen tru2 plk…hee…).iye r….bley save bajet ape.huhu.brangan jea lbey yerk cik ila…hehe. xde ape pun….juz wanna share sumthing dat makes me tetibe jd cm xcited sgt….huu…xtau r kna angin monsun mane nie…ngee….

tp….xcited cmne pun….i noe s2dy comes 1st than wedding nie….huhu…so dun wori….still fokus s2dy…even result pun cm hampeh jea…aiseh….asek tsenyum sorg2 jea wat blog nie…ngada2 btol yerk….da pkr nk kawen nie…da ada calon ke?uhuk3….tbatok sy…ntah r…. hee…. mungkinkah???? =p…. hny org yg bkenaan jea yg tau…tettttt!!!!…

so k r….moral of dis blog is…. (ceh3)….xde r.sj nk inform dat ape2 pun matter dlm idop kte nie better r kte plan sndiri….even ada r ’sum1′ 2 salu r bebel kt diri nie yg xpndai wat decision sndiri….my bad….so plan r sendiri…coz satisfaction yg kte dpt 2 x tnilai hrganye n kte mmg akn rs puas ati sgt dgn ape yg kte da plan (2 pun klo plan properly r…heee…).lastly,ble da kawen 2….ckp psl kawen lg….pndai2 r uruskan umah tngga….pndai jea bg nsht yerk.huhu.wokeh….ape2 pun juz take care of urself =)