~ Summer Dream ~

I stopped at a traffic light. He was driving behind me and from the rear mirrors, I could see that he was laughing. He must have had a good time and that was the first time I saw him together with her. That was 3 months ago. I know he have moved on. Or maybe he didn't, he just pretend like he did. 

Tonight, we met swiftly at a restaurant. He was wearing a red shirt and blue jeans, sitting in front of me with puffy smokes coming from his mouth and nose. Despite the shadows, noises and heat, he caught my eyes instantly. We still make fun of each other and laugh wholeheartedly like old times. I could feel the familiarity lingering in the air between us. The subtle smile he had when he saw me, the ramblings about dreams and future. Everything about him is magical.

3 months ago, I felt that his happiness like a betrayal.

3 months ago, when the lights turned green, he took a right turn. I drove straight.

Tonight, he still take a right turn but there is me beside him. There I realized life is a joke. When you meet your love, even though he looks close, he is far if you go. But meeting him like that, I feel as if I'm kidding myself into believing that he is close. Despite all that, he is still the relief to my misery. That much is enough. I've woken up from my dream. From now on I'm going to be your silent shadow.  I finally made up my mind. Tough but not the toughest. I need to do that, to live.

~ Seeking Happiness ~

There is one moment in life when I am doing something and I feel like the world has stopped and my life seems so miserable. Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all. Everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the thesis or heavy workloads, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think. And tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it. 

Then, one important event has led me into a thought. Things do sure fall apart but i'm sure they will definitely fall into right place. I finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life. And with that I realized the only control I had was how I chose to handle them. So, I made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace. It's never too late, now I'm on my way to seek for my happiness and I hope you are working on yours too :)

~ BuZz ~

November is driving me crazy, baby. It's driving me CRAZY!!!

Thesis. Wedding invitations. Work. How to be a good sister and daughter. Everything that I'm chasing seem to leave me empty and no matter how great things may seem, they always change. 

however

Don't worry, baby. Life goes on, it sucks sometimes, but new great things always come around. I believe that things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out. And I promise life will never bring yourself or even myself down.

~ WanderLust ~

I've always enjoyed traveling and having experience with different cultures and different people. Certainly, travel is more than seeing of sights, it is a change that goes on, deep, and permanent  in the ideas of living. And I beg young people to travel. have your mind blown, eat delicious food, meet some interesting people, dig some interesting place, have an adventure, be careful. come back and you're going to see your country and yourself differently. So, please once a year go to a place where you've never been before.

What's holding you back from traveling? Is it fear? Get over it. You'll never feel more free  and less afraid  as when you realize you're no longer confined to your comfort zone. Be scared of routine, cockroaches, spiders, whatever. just don't fear travel. Is it money? Stop making excuses and go find a piggy bank and put in your travel fund.

For me, I travel with those people in the picture. One with a good sense of posing in a picture and another with a good sense of camera's angle. Why I choose them? One advice: Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. Hence, you can make a connection now I guess. I do love them to bits :)

So, let's plan for a roadtrip.

~ Untuk Kita ~

Kawan, 

Masihkah kau ingat pada waktu perkenalan kita. Masihkah kau terfikir di mana bemulanya keakraban kita. Masihkah kau ingat ia menjadi mimpi,menjadi rindu. Masihkan kau ingat tiap memori kita. Masihkah kau ingat kita menggamit saat terbenamnya matahari lalu malam melabuhkan tirai dan kita luahkan bersama. Di saat sesi mengenang nasib hidup, kita sering tertanya, apakah ada insan yang akan menyukai kita, yang akan bersabar dengan kegilaan kita, yang akan menyayangi kita dan tetap rindu bila kita tiada kelak. 

Dan aku terfikir, memang aku tidak pasti apa yang Tuhan hidang untuk aku esok - esok. Dan aku tidak pasti hidup berdua itu bagaimana sebenar - benarnya. Tapi dalam tiap senyum, tiap gelak, tiap tangis, tiap marah, tiap sakit, tiap payah, aku mahu dengan dia. Kalau hidup ini sial, biar aku lapah sial itu dengan dia. Kalau aku jadi buruk, biar aku jadi buruk dengan dia. Kalau dia banyak kerenah, biar aku yang hadap kerenah dia. Kalau aku mahu kongsi segalanya dalam hidup, biarlah orang itu adalah dia. Aku tidak pasti tinggi bahagia takat mana tapi dalam tiap - tiap tapak kaki aku memanjat mencarinya. Dan aku juga tidak pasti siapa dia yang dimaksudkan, yang telah ditetapkan jodohnya untuk aku. Apa yang pasti aku mahu dia. Aku juga yakin kau pun berkongsi pendapat yang sama dengan aku bukan?

~ Comeback ~

Assalamualaikum...

Wow! It's been a year peeps since I last updated this blog. how time flies. Luckily, I had a very pleasant dream last night and I've decided to start writing again. Walaupun mimpi itu tidak ada sebarang kaitan dengan keputusan tersebut. Even I try to stop writing in this blog, I still write elsewhere. Guess I just can't help myself to separate with letters and sentences. And, I'm glad that I didn't stop the writing habit and thus abandon this blog. Till then, see you in the next post :)