~ GrAcEfuLnEss oF aN eLePhAnT ~

people loves to make promises...I hate them...because the promises never have been fulfilled...

even I try not to trust. I tend to put too much hope on the promises...fool me.

in a relationship, i discover something. LOVE & HATE.
there's a fine line between love and hate. love frees a soul and in the same breath can sometimes suffocate it. I walked that tight rope with all the gracefulness of an elephant, my head weighing me to the side of hate, my heart hoisting me to the side of love.

it was a wobbly journey and sometimes I fell. sometimes I fell for long periods of time but never for too long. never for as long as this.

I'm not asking to be liked. I've never yearned to be liked, nor am I asking to be understood fully. when I behaved that way, when I left by your side, let go of your hand, hung up the phone, even I had difficulty liking me, understanding me.

but it's just how I was.
how I was.

~ bRiBeRy ~

semalam baru jea dapat rezeki lebih...hasil sewaan kereta yang agak lumayan ;)
so, saya dan kekanda bercadang nak dinner sama2...kami keluar jea uni dengan perasaan teruja tanpa menyedari 'pemangsa-pemangsa' yang sudah sedia menanti. once sampai kat trafik light kat satu simpang, dengan konfidennya kekanda belok sambil melanggar lampu merah.huu...minta perhatian...kami dah biasa buat macam tu..dah habit...cuma malang tak berbau...semalam tetiba ada pegawai2 jpj pulak elok buat operasi kat simpang tu...haish...

apa yang saya concern from that incident is rezeki yang pegawai2 tersebut dapat. incik kekanda went out to negotiate with the officer. then came toward the car and took rm50, so we were released after that.kekanda beritahu yang saman for langgar lampu merah suppose rm300 tapi after dapat duit kopi rm50-dilepaskan...

i am really grateful because we have to pay rm50-at least. i know it is really our mistake for not obeying the traffic rules but i just wonder does that mean that we had bribe the officer? and does that indicate that the officer actually intended to receive the bribery?dunia sekarang sudah tidak selamat...people tends to do anything...even bad things. as long as they do not get into trouble. i finally realize...

p/s: hilang rm50 dari rezeki sewa kereta...huuu...

~ LiFe's cLiMb ~

why people love to fight over small things and not something important?

best friends are fighting about the stories that have been made up...
couples are fighting about jealousy...
mothers and daughters are fighting about privacy...
celebrities are fighting to be more popular...

fight is necessary...

" when we stop fighting for each other, that's when we lost our humanity." -jackson curtis, 2012-

but in a proper conditions...I kept thinking why people does not prefer to make the world a better place. try to live in harmony and peace people! do no waste your life and keep on struggling for yourself and others.because we certainly do no want to lose our humanity. for we know it is priceless =)

~ F.R.I.E.N.D.S ~

I'm finding that realization is so much more frustrating than never finding anything.

how often we wish we had stayed on the same path.
I disappear regularly, I lose contact regularly.
no one checks up on me and I like it that way.
I like to come and go as I please.

Yet now I realize something.
I miss my friends. a lot. but what's the reasons of the feeling?
we all get lost once in a while and busy with our own life...
sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control.
when we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself.
I regret because I do not contact my friends often enough, and I am really sorry for behaving like that...huu...just want you, who are my friends, know that our friendship still precious for me even I lack in my concern.

p/s: all of u will still be my bff even xde dlm gmba d bwh...n i juz realize that we hadn't take much pic.huhu

~ uNTiTLeD ~

life is not filled with satisfaction!

but only one thing that i request.

i just want to be understood??

is it so hard to do?

~ iF y0u c0uLd sEE mE n0w ~

life is funny, isn't it?

just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west and you're lost. it is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.

there aren't many sure things in life, but one thing I do know is that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. you have to follow through on some things.

I always give up. what have I ever had to do in my life that really needed to be done? I always had a choice, and I always took the easy way out- we always took the easy way out.

life is hard! so what? it's hard for everyone, isn't it? anyone who says it's easy is a liar. while for me I'm only find it terribly hard in 'relationship issues'. people tends to say soulmates always end up together. ex-girlfriends or boyfriends are easily forgotten. best friends stay with you forever.

can somebody proof to me that the statement is true? coz I really do hope so...

~ HeLL0 R0mAnTiC0 ~

11 Januari 2010 ( Isnin) - 11.45pm

waktu berpisah:-

gf: shafiq...thanks sangat2 ari nie...bye. (dengan nada gembira)

bf: wokeh. happy birthday. (tersenyum). eh...orang terjumpa kad tadi. ada tulis nama ila. (sambil hulur kad)

gf: ........................ (terkejut, terharu, senyum sorang2)

tiba- tiba dia bertindak romantik. impress. excited =))

even it's only a birthday card. means a lot to me. coz kad tersebut ditulis oleh orang tersayang. dengan rasa kasih sayang untuk orang tersayang.hehe. I really appreciate it dear busyuk2... boleh pulak buat innocence ea.hehe.x0x0 =D.

* tamat di sini ayat2 jiwang...heee.... * * bermula ayat2 serius =p *

apa ada pada 22 tahun???
usia sudah meningkat, tapi perangai masih macam budak- budak. as my age increases, i think the more childish i've become.apa boleh buat?hehe.

sekarang saya sudah mula untuk think about future seriously. about my education, my relationship, my LIFE. only one thing that always disturb me- my self confidence! saya selalu terfikir, boleh ke saya teruskan? boleh ke saya capai impian?

but now, i know i have to make a good decision. i've always thought that things aren't going to be fair in the real world. even if karma happenned. it's just the way it is. sometimes fate just can't stop meddling. there are some people that can achieve bright future without doing much but some, like me have to fight well in achieving good life.

this year, i just hold on to this principle, "do not afraid of life, follow your instinct, and be yourself!" and that really give me a boost of strength. I didn't see it coming, but I can definitely feel it. I long for the strength.

p/s: also need prayer from all =))