~ InSiDe hEr HeaD ~

they look at each other wondering what the other is thinking. but they never say a thing. they got their own interpretation. and the assumptions become the termites of their relationship.

she says she wants to be the girl that he'll love forever, the one that he'll never forget. she wants to be the girl that he'll always think about, and talk about to all your friends. she wants to be the girl that gives him butterflies when he see her; and when they touch, he'll tremble. for all the time she just want to be the girl that gives him the same feelings that he gives to her. in her defense, he doesn't seem to care for her, he doesn't appreciate her and she is unimportant. then, she decides to leave him for good, for his better future.

he sidled up to her from behind. "You..", he whispered. "Yes?". "Nothing". said him, taking her hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.and I really want you.

now she realizes, there's no regrets. just love.

~ LeT y0u kNoW ~

I guess between things and people, the former are easier to possess.

but then we might lost the thing or misplaced it.

while for people, we will never misplace them.

because we know they were there.

but it could be that the feeling might not be the same. 

anymore.

so Dear ***3055,

for all this while...

THOUGHT YOU ALWAYS BE MINE ~

~ a PROMISE made should be a PROMISE kept ~

semua orang suka bagi janji kan? atas macam-macam sebab. ada sebab nak tenangkan hati, ada yang nak menjaga hati, ada yang nak menarik hati. yang penting semua berkaitan dengan hati.hehe. tapi boleh ke semua janji tu dipercayai? sebab ada yang tipu sunat, dan ada juga yang memang tipu betul. macam mana nak bezakan tu?

i hate promises, actually. because i tend to fully believe in it.

janji buat saya letak harapan yang tinggi, janji buat saya berangan jauh, janji buat saya anggap fantasi boleh jadi realiti. itu kesan janji pada saya. saya? memang jarang berjanji sebab saya bimbang janji saya akan memberi kesan yang buruk.

cuma satu yang saya asyik fikir pasal janji.  janji lelaki. ada orang cakap, lelaki suka bagi janji manis. orang yang cakap, bukan saya. betul ke? selalu janji lelaki mesti macam ni kan:

1) saya janji saya sayang awk sorang jea.


2) cuma awak sorang jea dalam hati saya. memang xde yang lain dah. saya janji.


3) saya taknak orang lain, nak awak jugak.


4) saya nak sayang awak sorang jea seumur hidup saya. sampai saya mati.

so, boleh percaya ke? kalau dah putus hubungan, mana dah sayang awak kat saya dulu?
kalau saya dah takde, kenapa awak cari yang lain juga?
kalau orang lain ngorat awak, kenapa cinta awak tergugat juga?

this post is not a matter of personal. yes, indeed. but i just wonder what about your promises to me? hope they are really true. because mine are all true :)

~ HeY GirL, I h.a.t.e y0u ~

I've told you so many many many times....

takkan boleh punya lelaki dan perempuan berkawan takat "Teman tapi Mesra". tipulah lagi. Last-last mesti jatuh hati. so for what stupid purpose pakai statement 'kitorang kawan jea lah, takkan lebih dari tu, tak main feeling-feeling nie. aku takkan kacau pun hubungan diorang lah"

Stop coming in between other's relationship!It's just not about you, it's about your bitchyness.

yes, I don't get it.  and I don't want to. just hoping to get rid of people like you.

~ DiLeMMa ~

I don't like your past time, honestly.
neither mine.

what was in the past already left us.

but then it seems people always try to cling onto the past time.

for what purpose?

sometimes there's something that you can hold on

BUT

sometimes there's something that you should let go.

mungkin awak patut kembali kepada masa silam dan lupakan kisah sekarang

and maybe....

we should stop.

~ HanYa DoA dApAt DiKiRiM ~

sudah dua hari umat Islam berpuasa...
juga sudah tiga hari papa kesayangan saya berada di wad...
he's got high fever...

apabila dapat tahu, diri rasa ingin terus balik
tapi papa cakap komitmen untuk belajar perlu diutamakan
kerana dia tidak berada pada tahap yang membimbangkan...

diri terus bertahan
terus teringat saat-saat bersahur, berpuasa & berbuka bersama family
sumpah rindu!

papa....
hold on k...
and my prayer will always be with you...ALWAYS....
do get well soon....amin.

and I know I need to be stronger than I am before. dun worry. I will.

~ 3 wEEkS iN w0nDeRLaNd ~

the hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you used to, and moving on with something you're not.

old memories seem to be most pleasant remembrance in our thought. old school, old friends, ex-lovers...but we are all guilty of saving old messages from someone who became really special in our lives. or going to familiar places that give us that small twinge in our hearts and smiles on our faces. oh memori. ada yang indah. ada yg pahit. that makes it as one of the most bittersweet feelings.

enough has happenend that I've learned perkara cantik tak kekal cantik selamanya. there always comes a day when everything changes, and it's not always for the best. despite the fact that I consider everything is important- education, lover, oxygen, food... the most important thing in life is family. there are days you love them, and others you don't. but, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

and I'm glad to be here for the next two weeks. it feels like heaven.

~ No Lies...jUst LOVE ~

dalam relationship, kalau tak ada challenges tak 'cool' kan?

orang cakap dalam banyak- banyak kesakitan, sakit hati sebab cinta yang paling sakit. now I've come to that understanding. in a relationship, every girl has that one boy in their life that has been there for them the whole time. she makes real conversation and feels real love. then they will be together and live happily. now I doubt that. It seems when you want someone, they don't want you. And when someone wants you, you don't want them. And when you both want each other, something has to come around and mess it up. or to be more accurate someone will come and bring back the past sweet memories.

cinta pertama sukar dilupakan. coz no matter how much the boy promised you. " I sayang u jea sampai bila-bila" or "let's just forget bout our past and be happy together k", he'll never be able to forget his first love and the memories will be recalled back sometimes. so, how lucky of you to be someone's first love.

but then I do realize that all the best love stories have one thing in common:
You have to go against the odds to get there. no matter how hard or rough the situation is.

i do hope i've enough courage to hang on. just... maybe single is better sometimes.

* awk, jadi mcm byg2 nie slalu nak ;p *

~ JuSt...MaYbE ~

SOMETIMES...

THE smaller THINGS TAKE UP THE MUCH ROOM IN YOUR HEART ;)

~ i WaNt y0uR LoVe, i d0N't wAnT y0uR rEvEnGe ~

I am majoring in English Literature & Linguistics. I explore lots of poems and plays. but I hate "Romeo & Juliet".

most of people adore their so-called love story. I hate how everyone compares love to Romeo & Juliet. did anyone ever read that play? memahami sedalam-dalamnya? the two met only for a few minutes. accidentally. started getting on a balcony a few hours later. they got married, did the big deed and they died. is that called LOVE? I bet Juliet didn't even know Romeo's favourite food, much less his birthday. it was only lust but it truly is tragic.

i don't want a relationship like that.

he is the only exception. but, to be honest. I don't know his favourite food or movie. I don't know who his best friend is, or how long it takes him to get ready. I just get to know that he loves spicy things dan juga bola sepak. I don't know every single detail about every single aspect of him. but I do know that he is the unique guy i've come across ;). and most importantly, I know one which is everything about him, one that is more important than looks.heee....

~ LoVe uR FaMiLy ~

*love u all so much*

ramai orang cakap duit itu penting...betul ke????

I know about a true story...suatu petang, tiga beradik pergi ke satu pesta jualan bersama ayah mereka. tetapi sebelum itu, ayah mereka pergi ke bank untuk mengeluarkan duit dan meninggalkan tiga beradik tersebut untuk meng 'explore' barangan dulu. sekembalinya ayah mereka ke pesta tersebut, beliau bercadang untuk kembali ke pesta tersebut pada malam hari... mereka sekeluarga pulang tanpa membeli ape-ape barang. at night, baru the siblings know that their father tidak dapat mengeluarkan duit pada petang tadi...tanpa sebab yang munasabah.

this story touched me because their father put his children's needs as the priority even though he knew he did not have enough money. and he can not afford to buy his own things with full satisfaction.

as for me, i absolutely agree that money is important. duit amat penting untuk hidup di zaman ini. however, i know that money can't buy happiness as it is so precious. at such time, baru nak sedar kesilapan2 yang dah terlanjur sebelum ini.huhu.so to my family, i love all of you so much with all my heart...above all things.no matter what happen.

p/s: moral of the story..kena lebih berjimat coz malang tidak berbau.we never know what might come people =)

~ GrAcEfuLnEss oF aN eLePhAnT ~

people loves to make promises...I hate them...because the promises never have been fulfilled...

even I try not to trust. I tend to put too much hope on the promises...fool me.

in a relationship, i discover something. LOVE & HATE.
there's a fine line between love and hate. love frees a soul and in the same breath can sometimes suffocate it. I walked that tight rope with all the gracefulness of an elephant, my head weighing me to the side of hate, my heart hoisting me to the side of love.

it was a wobbly journey and sometimes I fell. sometimes I fell for long periods of time but never for too long. never for as long as this.

I'm not asking to be liked. I've never yearned to be liked, nor am I asking to be understood fully. when I behaved that way, when I left by your side, let go of your hand, hung up the phone, even I had difficulty liking me, understanding me.

but it's just how I was.
how I was.

~ HeLL0 R0mAnTiC0 ~

11 Januari 2010 ( Isnin) - 11.45pm

waktu berpisah:-

gf: shafiq...thanks sangat2 ari nie...bye. (dengan nada gembira)

bf: wokeh. happy birthday. (tersenyum). eh...orang terjumpa kad tadi. ada tulis nama ila. (sambil hulur kad)

gf: ........................ (terkejut, terharu, senyum sorang2)

tiba- tiba dia bertindak romantik. impress. excited =))

even it's only a birthday card. means a lot to me. coz kad tersebut ditulis oleh orang tersayang. dengan rasa kasih sayang untuk orang tersayang.hehe. I really appreciate it dear busyuk2... boleh pulak buat innocence ea.hehe.x0x0 =D.

* tamat di sini ayat2 jiwang...heee.... * * bermula ayat2 serius =p *

apa ada pada 22 tahun???
usia sudah meningkat, tapi perangai masih macam budak- budak. as my age increases, i think the more childish i've become.apa boleh buat?hehe.

sekarang saya sudah mula untuk think about future seriously. about my education, my relationship, my LIFE. only one thing that always disturb me- my self confidence! saya selalu terfikir, boleh ke saya teruskan? boleh ke saya capai impian?

but now, i know i have to make a good decision. i've always thought that things aren't going to be fair in the real world. even if karma happenned. it's just the way it is. sometimes fate just can't stop meddling. there are some people that can achieve bright future without doing much but some, like me have to fight well in achieving good life.

this year, i just hold on to this principle, "do not afraid of life, follow your instinct, and be yourself!" and that really give me a boost of strength. I didn't see it coming, but I can definitely feel it. I long for the strength.

p/s: also need prayer from all =))

~ HiDDeN ~

men are very weak
they make principle but dun realize dat no principle can override the heart
n we remind these stubborn men that bonds of the heart are based on feelings n not principles
but these bonds are created by telling the other person bout one's inner feelings

however sumtimes saying wat one feels can break one's heart
but by not saying it,u won't be happy
so wat're we supposed to do...

~ YoU mAkE mE FeeL _Ad

You have changed...

I don't know why... I just feel different.
Your words seem rude to me... your attitude seems harsh to me.
There's no more great and sincere laughter between us.

You think I'm mad at you...No, I don't.
I'm just mad at myself...Just because...
I can't understand you anymore. I guess I never do.
Even how hard I keep on trying.

After all, I think it's me that have changed!!!
Yeah, it's me.
For being such sensitive and emotional girL...
I just can't lie to myself....

p/s: sowry 11x =(

~ H0pE d SkY iS aLwAyS bLuE ~

twinkle twinkle little stars

I always prefer to look at the sky when I have bad feelings about my life.The sky is so wide, the moon and the stars just make me feel better.How great the creations of God.

Life without problems is not cool right?So I guess I have to bear with all the troubles that are competing to rush into my life.Yet, the most troublesome dilemma is when it is related with your feelings.How could I ignore others' feelings?Can I be that selfish?Just thinking of it makes me feel guilty.

My father used to tell me that memory is a good thing to be remembered, either it was the good one or the bad one.But papa, your daughter is not strong enough to bear with all of the memories in her life.I try hard to delete all the bad memories in my mind.I wish I have a quite large and enough space of dustbin to dispose all the memories.How fool I am to think something like that.But I know I actually have to learn from the bad memories.For better future.So that I will never repeat the same mistakes again.Thanks for your advice papa.Your daughter understands the situation now =)

To my Soulmate, sorry for giving you a lot of troubles. I know I have to understand you better. I need to be more mature person.How childish I am right?And I have to struggle hard to maintain this feeling towards you.Saya masih bertahan dear.

Sekarang, listening to Love You Yes-Couple::while looking at the sky::finish this entry.Now I feel relieve and great.

Hope the night sky will always been occupied by the moon and the stars ;D

~ oH mY pRaDa...PANASSS!!!! ~

last week me n ma fwen tgk movie 'pisau cukur'.
suppose nk tgk '2012', tp too many people lines up nak beli tiket...huhu

as a Malay movie, cite nie bley tahan jgk laa...
ada its own sense of humour n interpretations...
n dgn lakonan mantap fazura, maya n aaron =))
i think i can give 8 out of 10 for dis movie...
especially untuk aksi gedik...hehe
(rs cm movie critics plk)

lepas tgk movie nie, my stigma towards ppuan 'pisau cukur' nie da brubah sikit...
maybe they have their own reason to be some one like that...
yup...money is really important,tp protection from the partner also important for me.
to hold me when i'm going down, to comfort me when i've bad feelings, to back up me when some one say bad things about me.
so my dear busyuk2,can u do that to me? (^_*)


p/s: miss time childhood,papa olwez hold my hand when i tried to walk

~ cAri SkAnDaL LaGi ~

WORD....
sometimes can be a curse...
sometimes can be a miracle...

people can get hurt by ONLY one word
and also can be s000 happy by a word
but how can we noe 'dat' ONE word can give such a big impact to us
d word can signify many meanings...
i said dat u're bad...but maybe i lyke d way u've been bad...
or maybe i really mean dat u're bad person...

watch out for d words u've uttered...
they may become true...
kalau cakap word yg elok takpe laa kan...
wanna success in lyfe.lead a gud lyfe.
have cute child lyke Suri.being blessed olwez.

tp klo da pray 4 bad things...
bodo laa kau nie.otak ko biol laa.
asek2 ada skandal ;p
once da tmakbul...
br nk gelabah yerk...

u think dat's a joke...
but i think u shud regret
Y?
bcoz i already annoyed!!!!


how do u noe dat d word U have uttered can make Me feel so miserable...
but i shud've known dat u really dun mean it...

~ c0nFeSSi0n oF aN 0rDinArY giRL ~

knape asal jd gurl jea nk emosi lbey...
cpt senctif...
cpt emotional...
cpt trase...
y dun we tend to be more cheerful (^_^)

knape asal jd gurl jea ada yg nk gedik2...
knon2 act as an innocent little girl...
xske and wanna kick all d bitches...
but never realized dat she is among d bitches...
dat other people want to kick out...
y dun we juz be a normal girl dat do not make people feel irritated with us...

knape asal gurl jea msti nk relate dgn gossip...
ske jaga tepi kain org laa...
ske rmpas hak org laa...
ske attract attention laa...
y dun u juz mind ur bizness n stop messing wif other people...

i noe words are easy to utter...but when it apply to action...it's definetely hard to do...
but y dun we try...fix it....be optimistic...be realistic...i think u'll slowly become a better gurl...
STOP BEING AN ANNOYING PERSON IN OTHERS' EYES

*i am irritated now...but will try to fix it (n_n).do neglect d harsh words in this post...*

~ mE....sELfiSh...sEnSiTiVe...Em0ti0NaL...s0 wAt??? ~

kadang-kadang kite asek jea pkr psl org laen...smpai kite lupe nk pkr hal sndiri...
kite asek pkr nk jage ati org laen...smpai kite lukakn ati kite sndiri...
kite tolerate jea org nk wat ape pown...kite maafkn jea fault yg da bkali2 diulang...
bley ke kite jd sabar smpai camtu????

i try 2 be selfish....
i try 2 be intolerance...
i try 2 be impatient...
i try 2 be bad...
but i can't...am I too good???absolutely not...stupid maybe...

dulu saya tak pernah terfikir keadaan akn jadi lbey teruk...
tak pernah terfikir saya akan lbey terluka...
tak pernah terfikir saya akan lbey marah...
n skrg i'm feel worse...

i noe i've to fix it...
as i read one of ma fren's entry... *really thanks to her post*
she said dat we have to put a distance between us n 'sumthing'
so i think i've to make a gap between me n ......
so i can feel better...
n i really hope so.... (^_^)

p/s: but i still love u k ;D